The Difference

Finally, after so many years, the answer just popped up. After so many years, just lying here, the answer just pops up.

“Why can’t you be possessive?”
I do not mean you don’t love me, I don’t feel wanted.

“Do you love me? How much do you love me?”
I do not mean that you do not love me enough. Love can’t be weighed. I meant, I don’t feel wanted. I want you to want me.

You don’t love me anymore!
I do not mean you do not love me! I meant that I need to feel wanted by you.

There is a difference in being loved and wanted.

Mild

My head feels so heavy again. After 9 hours of sleep, I still feel that like dozing off.

I woke up to his gentle kisses and warm embraces.
“Are you upset with me?”
“Yes.”
“Is it because we didn’t go for supper? Or is it because I didn’t hug you tightly?”
I just nod my head to his last question.
“I was feeling hot. Sorry bibi. Shall we go for breakfast?”

I looked at the time, 7.35am. Ya what! Breakfast and then what?! He will be late for work. He dragged me out of bed but he decided to buy breakfast home. I ended up in bed again. His 10 minutes felt like a minute of my shut eye. He opened the room door, “Hurry Hurry! Breakfast is here.”
I tied my hair, washed up and dragged my feet to the dining table, settle my bum with a loud tump. Remove the covers of the disposable wooden chopsticks, unwrapped the paper and the bee hoon mee unfolded with a sunnyside up egg tucked on the everest. It’s just so nice to feel so pampered again, and like everyday. I don’t wash the toilet, I don’t sweep the floor, I don’t cook, I don’t iron, I don’t wash clothes! For the first time, I don’t have to do all these things. I am, afterall, his pampered, yang or, little girl! He washes my clothes, he irons my clothes, he doesn’t cook but buy meals, he washes the toilet! HAHA! Actually no, he said that he is kind of afraid of ironing my clothes because he said that I am retarded, I am too much of a perfectionist. I have to see no crease. But, come on, I won’t complain! It will be good enough for me because I am not the one doing it. I am just so glad, after 10 months of being together, all these didn’t die halfway. Not like others, they send chui kuey to your door and stop after 3 months. I thought I would experience the same for Mr Koo. Branching to the 3rd month of our relationship, he used to buy 2 bottles of my favorite milk tea and send it to my office almost everyday, sometimes, there will be strawberries at home waiting for me. (at that point of time, he didn’t get his car yet. He walked under the hot sun somemore!) He send me this lovely message that I still clearly remember till date,

Baby, don’t be so stress out, if it’s housework, I will help, if it’s money, I will contribute, if it’s love, it would be unconditional.

That message just touches me, I didn’t believe it in because I so thought that it was the honeymoon period. But now, it is still happening. Things are never monotonous despite us doing the same things everyday. He goes to work earlier than I do, he finishes work earlier than I do, and he picks me up after work, and we will either head home, watch a movie, go for dinner, or supper and not to forget, we bitch to each other about the time we were not together and how we deal with stupid people.

I was talking to a friend earlier, she thought that you need to give up stuff when you are attached, and if it comes to marriage, it will be worse. Well, I shared my thoughts with her and told her that, giving up isn’t about loving a person. If you love a person so much, you would not give things up. For example, Mr Koo plays too much games, he did not give it up, it just came to a point that spending more time with me feels better than playing his games. He rather spend time with me than to play his Virtual Fighter and Street Fighter and I will always ask him to play his games, to train and not be rusty. Giving up is basically an action that is not willing in a relationship. But, if you do it willingly, it’s not giving up, you just feel that, that person is worth much more compared to what you enjoy doing. For me, I did not give up in partying. I just feel that partying is not as worth as my love. I rather spend more time, seeing him, looking at him. Not like in the past, I feel like partying and I feel restricted when I am not doing so. It’s just a different feeling that I learnt and experience in this relationship. What Bibi said was right, this is my FIRST mature relationship.

Down to work, I can’t help snapping pictures at work when it gets too boring.

Alright, I am gonna do some homework tonight. But I am gonna meet mum and sister right now! Last but not least, I hope god give strength to people who think they are hell of good, and they know everything and teach them not to feed on their ego.

The Wanted Post.

As I promised, this is the wanted post. My blog is dying though the blog readers are still the same. It’s dying because the blogger isn’t updating it well. Well, I am having my split shift break right now. I have been bringing my notebook to work hoping that Mr Koo will log on, but I know he won’t because he will be sleeping at this time. He is in The States now. How cool is that? After coming back from a long trip from Thailand for 2 weeks, he went to The States after 13 days. But at least he got back to celebrate my birthday with me. He was cute, he called me using his friend’s phone to wish me Happy Birthday once he touched down from Thailand. He came back on 11.53pm on the 14th of September and he called once the clock stroke 12 midnight. Sweet.

Well, I met up with The Buttocks as well. Manwhore (Vincent) wasn’t free to be present for my birthday dinner cum catch up. <

And poor me, I was sick during that period of time. I was sick on the eve of my birthday. I had runs. Bibi and I went to our usual prawn mee place, and I caught an allergy. I felt like I was dying. (Like seriously) I had rashes all over, my wind pipe felt like it was closing up and I could hardly breathe. (Indeed it was closing up, the doctor gave me pills to open the pipes up) Bibi was nice. Somehow, it felt like his 101% attention was on me! Being in the doctor’s didn’t stop me from being all so bitchy. The nurse actually asked me to wait for my turn. And I kinda shouted, “I need the doctor now, I could hardly breathe.” I went in and a jab was immediately given to me. I wonder why god did that to me on my 21st birthday. It was bad. I then rested at home and I was still having a bad stomach. It felt really bad.

When I was feeling better the next day, Bibi brought me to Senso for my birthday dinner. It was sooooo… fine dining. Kinda scary!
Me and birthday cake.

Me and MY BIBI, just outside Senso.
P.S: On a side note, his hair have gona kuku. Because of his reservice, he lost his side burns, his thin-ness of his hair. I am just waiting for him to get his ass back from US and bring him to my personal L’oreal hairstylist for his hair cut.

Now, about a week back, everyone has been talking about the F1. Now, I have to ask, who has been SO close to any F1 drivers. Let’s say probably about 30cm away from them? Well, the Ferrari team came over to my workplace. And our restaurant was hosting their press conference with the media.

That’s Mike.

Jazz, Joe, Me and Redza

Me and Ashley

I didn’t have photos of the F1 drivers because I was working.

There’s a saying that, “when the cats are away, the mice begin to play.” As for me, “When Mr Koo is not around, I shall begin to play.” LOL! My colleagues and I went out for a couple of drinks and we were planning to bunk into Marriot because we can all go to work together as it is just opposite Ion. Here are some pictures.

Zara, me, Ash

These 2, are my men at work. Work is just too boring without them with kinky conversations via the walkie. Meet Raymond and Mike.

This would be my favorite photo. Clara peeping. Raymond is humming and I have no idea what the other two are doing.

Finally, before I go for my smoke, I shall end it with 4 beautiful photos.

My 2nd family for 3 years now with Vincent’s girlfriend on Cherie’s 21st birthday.
Vivian, Me, Cherie, Vincent, Vincent’s girlfriend

On my birthday

Before this bitch went to The States

Beautiful me.

P.S: This guy samuel questioned my beauty in my comments list. Yes, indeed I am this pretty. I am prettier than Ms Stella for a fact.

Ciaoz.

Out Of Town.

I am certainly out of town somehow (because I should have fuck off from a certain place a very long time back!) while my working place is in town! haha! I know, so nonsensical! I wanna shout out sooooooo loud…

I LOVE MY NEW JOB!

Well, basically, for the moment, I am working from 11am to 7pm. And I am on break from 3pm to 6pm because the restaurant closes. So technically, I am only working for 5 hours. Apart from that, I work split shift as well. Probably when the new host gets over, I will do shifts from 11am to 7pm or 3pm to 11pm in which last orders would be at 9.30pm. So the host may be able to go back! HAHA!

I was telling Bibi about my first day yesterday (yesterday was my first day), it was soooooo funny! Back in 7atenine, we used to talk about the days that we have to work, but now, we are talking about the days that we DO NOT need to work. I think it’s a blessing in disguise for both of us somehow. He is doing office hours for the moment and as for me, I have a pretty slack job eh. Well, in any case, he will always pick me up from work. Furthermore, our biological clock is good in someway or so. We wake up at 6am or 7am and we will sleep by 11ish or 12am.

My only goal right now is to save A LOT OF MONEY just for me and Bibi to get into a holiday. That’s because I promised him that I will fork everything out for the next holiday. I felt bad because he forked out every SINGLE thing on our previous holiday!

I am left with 15 minutes to prepare myself for work eh! For the first time, I do not feel like someone who anyone would tease at work. For the first time, I feel like I am like a little girl to everyone. That’s because everyone takes care of me so well. And everyone takes care of everyone really well. In the past, I used to love to go to work at 7atenine, as time goes by, bibi was the only motivation why I still work. But now, it’s a different thing, even without bibi, I guess I do not ever need to drag my feet to work because everyone is so funny and caring.

I came to realise and I stick by my beliefs (though I try to change my beliefs after a failed relationship) that ultimately, the only person that I can confide in would be my other half. No matter what it is. Mr Koo is just so different, he is so patient even though is so soooooo super tired and I remember vividly that during our courtship days back in January, he has always been the one listening, all the way until now.

I had a bad birthday in which I learnt about certain things in my life, but I had a good bleated birthday. I am just too contented in my life. I shall blog when my laptop is back. Because it crashed again!

P.S: Bibi, I do not one any Evolution 10 anymore, I do not want us to be super duper rich like Fred Choo. All I asked for is for us to be happy the way we are! As what you said, it would be good is we save up the cash money and invest them in other places.

OMG! I HAVE TO GET READY NOW! IT’S 9AM! TILL THEN!

My POST-it note.

tadah! It’s the 14th of september 2009. It’s 6ish in the morning and I still can’t sleep. (it’s 5ish in Thailand and I think bibi just woke up) For the first time in years, 14th of september is a busy day for me.

- very likely to have those rare breakfast with my mummy REAL SOON.

- An interview at 10am later.

- Nap upon reaching home, all the way till probably 3pm.

- Get ready for my beautiful shower with scrubs etc. Make up, dressed up in my pre- birthday suit.

- Meet the 1/4 of the buttocks. (Vivian)

- Collect the car.

- Head over to town, probably sign my appointment letter, have to see how the earlier interview fared.

- Meet the other 1/4 of the buttocks (cherie berrie) which makes 3/4 in strength. Man whore can’t make it.

- Have dinner

- Pick my dearest bibi from the airport.

All planned. (: I LIKE!

After my birthday, I will so blog about it. Promise. I know I’ve been lagging behind for years. PLUS, I will show the world how pretty I am. Haha! (because someone questioned me if I am really that pretty, which I choose to believe that I am prettier than some finalists of miss earth or something)

Bitting my nerves.

It’s 5.29am and I have been thinking about some stuff which I have been wanting to blog about for months and years.

1. Friends
I choose my friends and acquaintances well. I have to say that I am a person who takes justice into consideration a deep lot. If you are my friend, and you can’t take critics just because I am your friend, so, you are not my friend. (okay, sounds confusing!)

e.g: Lyssa (sorry babe! I had to use you as an example. =X)
This girl seems to be quiet, but when she is high or drunk, (under the influence of alcohol) that’s it! She gets unreasonable with people. BUT, she knows she is in a wrong after I reason and explain things out with her. She knows herself, how many times I’ve reasoned and fuck her over things that I felt she has done wrong. But wait, of course, I will listen to her story first la!

Sometimes, people oversee situations because they are in the situation. A 3rd party’s foresight is always better. But at the end of the day, it’s your own choice whether to accept it a not.

I have some “friends” who bear grudges with me just because I fucked them off. So to me, these are the friends I don’t want to have. If they don’t see your point, and they do not admit their mistakes, why should you even bother? They said, “Close friends are the only ones that give you a honest opinion or answer.” So if you can’t take it, why bother again?

I had a friend who wanted to patch things up with me just because they wanted to use my printer. How used can I feel? (Just like what my mum and danny said.) But I really didn’t mind. I am just nice.

I had a friend who stepped on my tail FOR NO APPARENT REASON. And when I trashed things out with her, because she did me wrong, she still hold grudges till now.

I had a friend who bullshits about how great her life is. But there are just empty vessels. A good thing is that, she is harmless.

Whatever it is, I just despise such people.

A friend is a person who has mutual level of understanding, trust and whatever salt and pepper you readers decide to put in it.

Firstly, I am a person who prioritize my love life first. So, if you think you can’t accept that fact…

Secondly, which branches from the first point, I will be spending more time with my other half which means I won’t get to see my friends often. But without a doubt, if we are still on good terms, there will definitely be room to catch up.

Thirdly, I am a straight forward person. I say things that hurt and if you can’t take critics, then I am so sorry.

These are the 3 main things about me as a friend. I have “friends” that I have for many years which still do not get it and they try to implement some expectations on me which I can’t meet. So, my actions will npw show, “Don’t waste my time la!” I can’t make everyone happy.

So if you are of the same breed as me, WE CAN BE FRIENDS. Or maybe BFFs, right Lyssa?!

2. Work
OMG! Work is really irritating the shit out of me! Singaporeans are just so weird. Here are some common questions I get.

Guest: Hi! Do you serve pork here?!
Me: Oh yes we do.
Guest: So, is this a halal restaurant?!

OMG! I feel like strangling them! They were not trying to be funny or something. They look decent and well dressed and there were no signs of pranks. I just can’t believe how stupid people are.

Guests walks towards host stand.
Me: Hi evening! Welcome to 7atenine!
Guests just continue walking, emotionless

OMFG! I feel like pouring acid down their throat! Are you dumb? Can you speak? AT LEAST ACKNOWLEDGE WITH A SMILE ALSO CAN! tsk tsk! Horrible! You don’t get this from angmohs! But Singaporeans.

Guests (on the phone) walks towards host stand.
Me: eye contact, acknowledge their presence, smile, (it’s rude to greet them when they are on the phone) and you realised that they are on the phone with another guest who is already seated in the restaurant. After the guest hangs up,
Me: Are you with a friend? May I show you around?
Guests just continue walking, emotionless and apparently he or she already knows where they are seating.

OMFFG! AT LEAST ACKNOWLEDGE! tsk tsk! Again, you don’t get this from angmohs! But Singaporeans.

So much more! I am just too heated up to continue.

3. “Clara is jealous”
Classic statement. You know from who?! MY BELOVED EX BOYFRIEND! haha! Basically, let’s put it this way, there’s a reason why you are EX. There’s also another reason why you got dumped. There’s also another reason why you come crawling back after 3 years though you are still with your girlfriend. Just a simple conclusion:

I AM GOOD.

Let’s just face it, after leaving probably 1/4 of your life so far, you are still that childish after all. People grow and learn. Oh, maybe you are mal-matured. HAHA! EMPTY VESSELS MAKE THE MOST NOISE. Gangsters exist in the small world of yours. Telling people how rich and famous you are, actually does exist in your world.
Sometimes, in life, you’ve got to quit dreaming and work hard for it if you want it.
It’s not something proud of with the amount of money you’ve got or the number of cars you’ve own. It’s not about having these materialistic things. At the end of the day, it’s who’s money, cash you are using. It’s nothing to be proud about if it doesn’t come from you own pocket. I reckon some people should stop being stupid and stop believing. As I said, there’s a reason for the word EX.

GROW UP.

*yawns* 6 hours to SENTOSA!

Lonesome Day 2

After the 2nd night without him, I am starting to realise I can’t hold on anymore. It just gets so straining. I cry every single time I hear his voice. I cry every single time I hear those words that are so soft on my heart. And Girlfriend Lyssa had to stay over my place. (: I get good moral support from Michael as well. So Sweet!

I just hanged up the phone and I am tearing non stop. JACKPOT! He called when I was blogging.

I just found out a new list to what he will not do for me.

I need something to keep myself busy.